Why, what and who?

It is all very well to say I am a sub, but what does that mean when I don’t actually know for sure. I am turned on by images and stories about women submitting to men, I am not turned on by women dominating men and I am not turned on by women dominating or submitting to other women. However I am turned on by male/male but not so much in the BDSM arena mostly more generally. If I take myself to be something because I am turned on by it does that really mean I either want to be a gay man or have a threesome or just that I can see the attraction as I myself am attracted to males yet can’t with women/women as I am not attracted to women? Then there are those fleeting thoughts that in some cases I might be, attracted to some women that is, and yet thinking about that now my brain is shouting no way!

I am a proud independant girl who likes to think she is intelligent and logical, so how can I make a major decision about sex and my sex life when I know absolutly nothing about it. I do not think I have ever even mastabated properly before I certainly haven’t done it the way all the stories and pictures show it as doing that is much too sensitive and not pleasurable so I stop, I do not think I have had an orgasm so again I ask myself how?

Well I definitely want to try certain things out, anal sex for a start, I would like to try a threesome – two men not another woman, I would like to be spanked with a bare hand and try with other things too, I would like to be tied up, and the first thing I would like to try is a blow job this is a huge thing for me. Yet, do I just want to try kinky sex is this really a desire to submit to a man or just a steak of wildness in this area?

Honest answer is I don’t know, can’t know until I try. I do know is that it will take a particular man for me to be able to submit to, he will have to be intelligent, logical, fair, not have a beard or a beer belly!, and be a man that ultimately I can respect. The beard thing especially – huge turn off for me!! lol

The ultimate question though is will I even like sex? Will I be able to have sex? With the ME normal activities make me tired, anything that is extra to that and makes normal people tired can sometimes knock me out for days and I can get foggy half way through it. It would be a huge let down if that happened. Then there is the fact that I do not know if I can go on the pill or not, something that is hard for any woman to decide but my body tends to react to things like a hypochondriac. Not to mention that some stuff I have to be careful with like being tied up as my body reacts like an old lady’s.

I would not be able to kneel for a long time or stand for that matter. With all this it makes it difficult for me to believe that there is a mentor out there fore me let alone someone who would want to dominate me that I would want to submit to.