Saying ow

I love being able to say ow, as a result most people think I am an absolute wimp. I make such a fuss about a stubbed toe, a paper cut, a bang on my head or small cut. I enjoy it, I love being able to say ow, to go to mummy and say this hurts, to get a hug. I like getting the sympathy for the small things.

This is not because I am wimp though, these things don't really hurt, not like the pain I have been in. It is because of this that I say ow. When I do get pain, from the Fibromyalgia or ME, it is such a deep, all encompassing pain and you never know when it is going to stop. It is at these times that you can't say ow, I feel uncomfortable getting sympathy over. This pain, is something that nothing can be done about, for a large part of my life it was a fact of life. It is something you live with, that changes you, that you have to adapt to. It can go on, intermittently for years, so saying ow just doesn't cover it.

When you body feels as if it is made of lead that has been set on fire, you have thousands of needles, knives and hammers going at you, when your insides decide to knot themselves, when for the third week in the row you have not slept a night due to your back being in such pain, this surpasses ow. You say ow at short sharp hurts, the deeper more permanent hurt changes you, you might groan, pant, even yell for a small bit, but ultimately you can't say ow, it is too small a word.

When something hurts every single day for months you can't keep asking for continuous sympathy, hugs hurt and it is something you have to bear. All too often the sympathy turns to pity which is soul destroying.

So I rejoice in being able to say ow and even more to be well enough to be able to hug my parents again, for three years it hurt too much. They still helped, I can't count the number of nights they stayed up reading to me through the night to try and distract me when the pain got particularly bad. My parents have fought so many battles for me and at the moment we have won the right for me to complain at some slight hurt.