Previous post asked for suggestion about chatrooms, well I did not know that a website I belonged to already had a chatroom and I have joined Fetlife. At the moment that is all I have done as I did it late last night and didn't have time to explore much. Today I have been in bed as my ME is kicking up again so have only just got onto my computer.
Well I did explore one post and could not stop giggling, I think this was laugh out loud funny so I had to stop reading in case my parents had come in!
Things You Will Never Hear A Sub Say To Their Master/Mistress
How was I supposed to know I wasn't supposed to put your leather pants in the washer?
Yeah, right... SPANK THIS!
Tomorrow night, I get to tie you up, right?
God, you Dom's think the world should bow before you!
And just what do you think you are going to do with that paddle?
Sorry, I got a date tomorrow night. Some other time, perhaps?
Spanking? I-THINK-NOT!
Who died and left you in charge?
You missed a spot!
Do your own damn laundry!
What do I look like, your maid?
In the middle of an intense flogging, close your eyes and snore.
When ordered to "Look me in the eyes!" do it cross-eyed.
During a public verbal humiliation scene, stick your fingers in your ears and say "Nanah, nanah, I can't hear you!"
Decorate your top's leathers with neon polka dots and stripes.
Put a whoopie cushion in your top's chair.
Use the toy bag for dirty laundry and forget to switch the contents before the next play party.
Stick an Alka-Seltzer in your mouth at the start of a scene. Work up a good foam, and call out your safe word.
Sing or text while being cropped.
Tell your top you can't count because your hands are tied up and you can't see your fingers.
Get a wig that matches your regular hair perfectly and watch your top's face when it comes off in his/her hand.
Take messages for your top by writing them on post-its and sticking them on your rear.
Give your top pointers on how to do it better.
Send your top an invoice for your services.
Superglue the nipple clamps shut.
Starch the floggers.
Attach "clappers" to all the lights in the dungeon just before a paddling.
Or, just use any of these phrases: "Who died and left you in charge?" "In your dreams!" "Yeah, right."
More Sub Humor
Humor for those who have spent a little time in the dungeons of D/s :)
A sub's Blackboard Lessons
I will not carve my name on the flogger handles.
I will not spank others without Master's permission.
I will not aim for Master's head. (the upper one)
I will not yell the Safeword in the grocery store.
I will not sell the names of my newsgroup list to National Enquirer.
I will not read and giggle at Master's logs from the Dom Forum.
I will not yell fire every time Master lights a candle.
Funny noises are not really funny, and I will not laugh when Master farts during a scene.
I will not slap Master with my bra.
Punishment is not boring or pointless.
I will not call Master "Dr. Death".
I will not put laxatives in the candy bowl before Master's D/s party.
I will not hide the newbies or send them Snipe Dom hunting.
I will not bring sheep to the subbie forum.
A burp is not an appropriate response to Master.
I will not eat all Master's M & M's while he is at work.
I will not yell "She's tied up!" at the subbie forum.
Master's Gags are not to be used to keep the children quiet nor to be used as pot holders.
I will not call Master "spud head", "butt head" or any kind of "head".
Masters ARE perfect. (sorta)
Mud is not an acceptable side dish for dinner for Master.
I will NOT wear panties.
I will not peek out of the blindfold. (much)
There is no such thing as "sub immunity".
I will not sneak in the bathroom when I don't have permission.
I did not win an Emmy for my last session.
I will not hide all Master's toys.
All play and no work does not a good sub make.
I will not say "Oh, Master you're the bestest and biggest" just to get a spanking.
I will not scare the newbies by telling them ALL REAL subs like bullwhips.
I will refrain from saying "Heil Hitler!" when I don't like Master's orders.
I will not remind Master daily of our 1 day, 1 week, 1 month, 1 yr. anniversary.
I will not use Master's bondage table for a skateboard ramp or a slide into the pool.
I will not wear Master's underwear on my head !!
I will not tell Master his feet stink when he commands me to BOOTS! (even tho they do!)
I will not use the pages from Master's Dom Handbook to start the grill.
I will not giggle uncontrollably when the cat decides to "help" Master.
Nor will I remind him that he is Sub for the Cat.
I will ATTEMPT not to laugh when the son remarks that he heard "slapping" noises and got up to see where they were coming from.
I will faithfully remember that washing Masters shorts with my red sweatshirt is not a good thing to do.
I will try to remember that Masters are allowed to snore. (and subs are allowed earplugs?)
I will not cut and paste my Master's IMs to the chat room
"All the other Dom's let their subs do it" is not a valid reason (even tho they had fun doing it)
I will not giggle when my Master is lecturing me.
I will not get my subbie friends into trouble, as they are capable of doing that on their own. (well.... taboo!)
I will not refer to my Master as "Cute", when he is angry (even tho he is)
I will not flash my Master when he is playing Jenga
Patience is not something found in hospitals.
"Ow, that hurt" is not my safeword.
I will not suggest that we paint the ceiling beige when I am bound on my back.
While doing a scene, I will not bring it to Mistress's attention that; Her mustache needs shaving again.
I will NOT sing 'Happy Birthday To Me' and blow out the candle during wax play.
In the middle of an intense cropping, close your eyes and start to snore.
When getting flogged, start singing 'This is the song that never ends...'
Ok so I would not have the courage to do most of these! But can you imagine faces if you did?! Comment in brakets are not me!
My only problem now is it is all very well to say i would like to get to know some people and find out more about the lifestyle but I don't know what I need to know. I am not saying I know it all because I don't, it is just that I don't think I know enough to ask the questions let alone know the answers. So what do I need to know and find out? What questions? However I think fetlife is going to be really useful, there looks to be lots of useful posts that I can read.
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LOL, I loved that list.
ReplyDeleteHopefully Fetlife will help you out. I'm sure you'll be able to learn a lot from there.
Kara XOXOXO
A lot of these are really funny.
ReplyDeleteHave you tried them all?
Oh no, I haven't tried any of them! I just loved the image that most of them gave me, I think I would have to be really brave and have a dom with a sense of humour to try any of these out.
ReplyDeleteRead up about oxbow lakes, I found that really useful also Virgil,...
ReplyDeleteAm I missing something here? I did oxbow lakes in geography and virgil in latin but what do they have to do with this post?
ReplyDeleteThat is just sad humour. It has nothing really to do with the post at all, (except in the most existential sense).
ReplyDeleteReally, you'll never know until you experience it. "You're young, that's your fault"(Cat S. That was the reference). The great thing about not being experienced is that you know nothing and you can find out! That's scary and that's great. Enjoy each bit as you come to it, enjoy being scared about it, (the funny jumpy feeling in your tummy). Do it safely, don't have too many rules, (some things you think you'll like you won't and some things..., you get the idea).
Don't worry about your age, ignore people that seem to want a relationship with a doormat, it's perfectly possible to be a feisty, intelligent woman, even spikey and a sub as well, (who want to dom a wet rag?).
Go you!!
Thanks! lol
ReplyDelete