At last finally feeling a bit better, things should be on the up. I am going to be doing a lot of reading tonight, I found a list of things for a beginner to read on the blog A Submissive's Musings and after I have written this I am off to read my way thorugh all of them. I don't believe you can ever have too much knowledge, if I want to do something or go somewhere I am one of those people who will read about it insesintly both beforehand and during.
I love reading, it is such an escape, when I am feeling grotty and lying in the same bed, in the the same room for yet another week, I can open a book and disappear into another reality. Unfortunatly I am a quick reader, when my mind is alright but my body isn't I can get through 4/5 books a day. I admit they aren't all classics and quite a few are trashy but it still presents a problem. I run out of books. It is ok when I am up and about as I can go to the library. When I am not though it tends to get trickier.
I have recently been classed as disabled on my library card, this means no late fines and no reservation charges. It is a mixed godsend. I hate being labled as disabled as I don't believe I am, but the amount of money that can run up is astronomical, luckily I have a friend in the library who has always let me off before but now it is official.
It was however an almost crushing blow, sinc I was 9 people have been telling me i will grow out of it, it will go, it will only last a couple of years, etc. yet here I am 10 years later being classed as disabled. Sometime I think that there is no point in thinking about being a sub, when I don't even know where my life is going in the next 6 months. It looks ever more likely that I am going to be at home for at least another year, not like I hoped until September.
There was this guy that I met before Christmas and I really liked him, we met a few time at group events and then one day he texted me, drunk, asking if I would be his girlfriend. I said no, as I have only met you 3 times but I would like to get to know you better. He took me to see a meauseam and out to lunch - my first date!, since then though I have been ill, I have spoken to him a couple of time and seen him once.
I am upset as I had a chance to get to know a guy, to maybe have a boyfriend for the first time. Yet another thing stolen from me by this ME. It is sometimes such a struggle to yearn for normal things in life let alone out of the odinary stuff. It is hard to see the bright side, to keep positive, to believe that my time is coming, that hopefully my biggest worry is being a submissive and finding a dom. Until that day I have to find some way to combine the two, the lifestyle worries are my little normal reality worries, that I can relish. The ME stuff, I will just have to keep plugging through.
Life has to be on the up, that is my way - onwards and upwards.
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Sorry about the struggle with ME and that it may have cost you a chance for a boyfriend. But you're young so try to be patient.
ReplyDeleteAs far as reading on the subject, yes, Fetlike has a zillion topics.
But you also might try kimdebron.tripod.com, a collared sub in Australia who has written many articles that you might find useful. Good luck on your journey.
FD