Today I read An Owned Life by Dennis Najee, it was an eye opener and had some really good points. Although I am not interested in that level of this lifestyle it helped me see that before I start anything I have to get me in order first. I have to be able to commit and submit to this lifestyle first before trying to find a Dom. It was also nice to know that I am not the only one terrified by that thought, finding a Dom, it is all very well but there are so many pitfalls.
How do you find the right guy let alone the right Dom, you have to avoid all the armature's and predators and find someone who is right for you. Using common sense is a huge must and yet for me my common sense tells me that it is very unlikely that I will find anyone online. It is too easy to be dishonest, I know full well that there are many success stories but there are so many more failures and my upbringing shouts no.
My upbringing is something I have to fight against, they would say that BDSM is wrong and unnatural, I do not agree. And yet my parents are a huge part of my life and I am very close to my family, if I can not bring someone home to meet the family then I will assume that they are the wrong person for me. I have to be happy that my family will accept them and our relationship, so coming home with a 40 year old man with children is not going to happen. Quite rightly too as I doubt this man would be right for me.
So how much can I rely on my upbringing to help my instincts? Are chat rooms dangerous? Yes, they are if you do not use the right amount of common sense and this is what I will have to do as I am not in a position to meet anyone in real life at the moment. I think a munch would be better but if I found a mentor online and chatted to some other subs that would surely help me in real life.
I have made some semi rules for myself that I think are sensible. They are - No real name in chat rooms, only after a while in IM, after I get to know them a bit better. No picture for at least four weeks of communicating. No mention of nearby locations to my home. No giving out of mobile number until I feel comfortable. Anyone who pressures me about these, who does not believe in safe words and who wants to meet in real life after only a couple of times communicating is not someone to continue talking with. And I am not interested in becoming a sub to a particular person, I want advice and mentor-ship, not ownership.
While this might be a bit paranoid I think sticking to these guidelines will help me be firm and weed out most of the unsuitable people. Other than that, trust my instincts and anything that shouts wrong to me, any dishonesty that gets found out is an automatic red flag. I would not be this cynical in real life or unforgiving in a vanilla situation but I believe I should be extra careful the Internet is a wonderful place for untrustworthy people.
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You are absolutely right to be cautious!
ReplyDeleteI was on alt myself and ended up coming off it, too many pretenders and wannabes, impossible to sort the wheat from the chaffe!
....Doing this blog will help you more than you think, because not only do you get to air your thoughts, (just voicing them out of your head is very therapeutic!) but you will get to meet many other like-minded people on here, and because they are all of the same thinking, they are not shocked, or disgusted by anything you post, but supportive and helpful.
Since starting my blog i have learned so much, and you are right, there is no rush, and any man that tries to rush you should be avoided at all costs! Any true Master knows and will tell you that a sub/Dom relationship takes a long time to build, the communication and trust are paramount, and that doesnt just happen overnight.
Welcome to blogland.
...ha! hark at me talking like an old veteran, lol, i've not been on THAT long myself!
But i can relate to a lot of what you say and I look forward to hearing how it goes for you.
now you have 3 followers! :)
~L. /(",)\ xxx
Hi thank you for your comment! I can't believe it, I have three followers in one day! How lucky am I?
ReplyDeleteYour comment about alt.com, so true and it was scary though at times funny. On the first day I got an offer of a collar from an 80 year old man! But hey ho.
Compared to me any blogger is a veteran! I am glad you have learnt so much it gives me hope for me.
Thanks for your support
Cub