What Might Have Been

On Thursday I met up with T. This time last year he took me on my first date, he also asked me to be his girlfriend. Unfortunately I said no as we had only met three times and although I really liked him I wanted to get to know him a bit better first. Then came Christmas and with that I became ill, I only saw him three times after that, though he kept on asking and kept on being in contact throughout the year. He finally went home to Switzerland after his exams and although there was a chance that he might go to Oxford Brookes he didn't get the grades and ended up in Wales.

Where upon every time he got drunk he texted me saying he missed me. Cute the first time but ended up being a bit heartbreaking after a while. I wanted to move on really and forget about him. He didn't really keep in contact otherwise and although we had some great chats when he was drunk he then wouldn't reply or speak to me when he was sober. Well he did it the week before last and I got fed up. He had told me that he had stopped going to uni and was in London until his flight. I told him that he had to stop texting me where upon he asked if he could see me. Seeing as I had asked if this was a possibility or not and he had told me it wasn't, this was a bit confusing but I wanted to see him for one last time really to say goodbye, and to stop the texts.

So he came down on Thursday, I was completely nervous and I think Mummy was half convinced that I was going to sleep with him - I wasn't! I managed to work myself up into a right tizzy especially on the bus but when I saw him it all stopped. He hadn't really changed at all except become a bit beefier - he is a rugby player. We went to the pub where we meet for Munches and so I felt comfortable and we then talked for two and half hours. There was one awkward moment but apart from that it was just great. He then took me out to lunch at a Thai place and then walked me to my bus. He gave me the funniest Christmas card with a seriously nice message in it.
It was so sad to say goodbye again - he is going back to Switzerland and then has army recruitment as they are conscripted over there. I doubt I will see him again.

It is sad as he is full of the things that could have been. Had I not been ill he would have been my first boyfriend, given me my first kiss and who knows he could have been the first person I slept with as well.

Unfortunately he is also kind, good looking, fun to talk to, generous and has a sense of humour. I am not over him, I suppose it will take a while. I guess also that some of the allure of him was the fact that nothing happened. He is a could have, might have, wished I had.

It was bittersweet but good closure, to hear what he was going to do and to see him one last time. I was sort of hoping that my memory had hyped him up but alas!

I wonder what might have been.