I'm back!

This past week has been a nightmare, I got a cold and my body decided to be a total hypochondriac and I was in bed for about a week and half. Feeling much better now though can't stand up for too long as everything starts to feel slightly compressed.
I have been doing a lot of reading though, and managed at last to get my laptop to accept the ebook version of The Story of O. As I live with my parents and any post I get discussed and shown with said parents and no hiding spot viable for such books I have been unable to read it thus far.

Well, it is written slightly strangely but I already knew that and once I got passed that, it was a really good read. It is nothing like I would want however, but I agree that it is a classic. I am not really sure what to say about it, I read a very good post on it the other day which did prompt me to try again. http://discerningdom.blogspot.com/2010/06/story-of-o.html

I like it, but to me that is too far. It is beautiful, but not my sort of thing. I can appreciate it but probably not fully understand the mentality needed. It made me think, it made me evaluate and it made me ponder what exactly submission means to me. Although this is very definitely submission, it is not the type of submission I can give nor the type of domination that I can take.

It is just not me, and it doesn't have to be. I love that in BDSM a label seems more to be a concept than a definition. There are so many different levels and varying degrees contained within each heading that while two people might call themselves a submissive they are in effect totally different in their attitudes to submission and yet there is an underlying commonality.

On another matter, I have had to rethink the mentor thing. I did think I was looking for one, but for now I am sticking to making some friends. If something comes up that I need advice on, then I can ask them. I talked with some people over an offer that somebody made me to become my mentor. It seemed camming and actually doing some sexual things was involved which at the moment I am not prepared for. I thought it would be someone who I went to with questions, who would maybe help me with some suggestions as to what to read etc. As to what the etc. was, I wasn't quite sure! The whole thing really made me think seriously and I have come to the conclusion that I really don't feel comfortable at the moment doing anything sexual, I don't think I am ready. If I meet someone and we get closer and it comes up then I will think again but I am happy with the status quo at the moment and think I still have some growing up to do.

It was really sad last week as I had to say goodbye to a friend who, if I had been well, would have become something more than a friend. He is going back to his own country and I will really miss him, he is coming back to England for university but I suspect we will not see each other again. Sad and a bit lonely, a lot of what might have beens, but I am now a year older and am positive that this year will be a year to reckon with.