On Thursday I met up with T. This time last year he took me on my first date, he also asked me to be his girlfriend. Unfortunately I said no as we had only met three times and although I really liked him I wanted to get to know him a bit better first. Then came Christmas and with that I became ill, I only saw him three times after that, though he kept on asking and kept on being in contact throughout the year. He finally went home to Switzerland after his exams and although there was a chance that he might go to Oxford Brookes he didn't get the grades and ended up in Wales.
Where upon every time he got drunk he texted me saying he missed me. Cute the first time but ended up being a bit heartbreaking after a while. I wanted to move on really and forget about him. He didn't really keep in contact otherwise and although we had some great chats when he was drunk he then wouldn't reply or speak to me when he was sober. Well he did it the week before last and I got fed up. He had told me that he had stopped going to uni and was in London until his flight. I told him that he had to stop texting me where upon he asked if he could see me. Seeing as I had asked if this was a possibility or not and he had told me it wasn't, this was a bit confusing but I wanted to see him for one last time really to say goodbye, and to stop the texts.
So he came down on Thursday, I was completely nervous and I think Mummy was half convinced that I was going to sleep with him - I wasn't! I managed to work myself up into a right tizzy especially on the bus but when I saw him it all stopped. He hadn't really changed at all except become a bit beefier - he is a rugby player. We went to the pub where we meet for Munches and so I felt comfortable and we then talked for two and half hours. There was one awkward moment but apart from that it was just great. He then took me out to lunch at a Thai place and then walked me to my bus. He gave me the funniest Christmas card with a seriously nice message in it.
It was so sad to say goodbye again - he is going back to Switzerland and then has army recruitment as they are conscripted over there. I doubt I will see him again.
It is sad as he is full of the things that could have been. Had I not been ill he would have been my first boyfriend, given me my first kiss and who knows he could have been the first person I slept with as well.
Unfortunately he is also kind, good looking, fun to talk to, generous and has a sense of humour. I am not over him, I suppose it will take a while. I guess also that some of the allure of him was the fact that nothing happened. He is a could have, might have, wished I had.
It was bittersweet but good closure, to hear what he was going to do and to see him one last time. I was sort of hoping that my memory had hyped him up but alas!
I wonder what might have been.
Saturday, 11 December 2010
Friday, 26 November 2010
The Scarlet Pimpernel
I came across The Scarlet Pimpernel when tidying my bedroom yesterday. I have never been able to read it and yet I count it among my favourite books. Soon after I got ME I was put on Amitriptyline, I was on it for three years (recommendation is for only three months). This was not because I was depressed because at that time I wasn't it was because at that time ME was thought to be a mental illness, it also is meant to help with pain relief. I was on 50mg a day for most of it.
It made me very zombie like, I got very bad insomnia, I lost my appetite and became very bloated and gained weight and in the last year year became very depressed. It didn't really work, I was still in pain and I was on the highest dose. In the last year we tried to decrease my dose with varying degrees of success, in the end we couldn't go further than 25mg. We had been told that it wasn't addictive but I would say that it was physically addictive, my body through a tantrum every time we tried to reduce it or come off it. It masked my senses and so coming off it meant that I had to face the full reality of what I actually felt. The doctors were not particularly helpful as they wanted to keep me on it.
Eventually Mummy and I decided that I would come off it no matter what it took and I went cold turkey.
What followed was the worst two and a half weeks in my life. I didn't sleep, I was in incredible pain, I was sweating and feverish and couldn't get out of bed. There was one night where I was in the most pain I have ever been in and I never want to feel that again. It was horrible, my parents tried to get a doctor to come out and give me a painkiller shot as the Co-codamol and other painkillers I was on were not making the remote bit of difference.
He refused when he found out I had ME, so to help me my parents stayed up through the night and read in shifts The Scarlet Pimpernel to me. They got me through that night, changing my sheets, getting the pills, constantly refilling the hot water bottle and just being there with me. Whenever I doubt that my parents love me I remember that night and it completely banishes that thought. It was the worst night in my life but also the most memorable due to my parents actions.
That night also cemented my wariness of doctors from that point onwards as well. We stuck it out though I think if it had lasted much longer I think my mother might have relented but it worked and there was a huge improvement. It had though destroyed my sleep patterns and it took us two years to sort those out and I still have to be quite rigid about them. I became quite depressed in the years after as well, but after an increasing amount of suicidal thoughts I went on St. John's Wart which was very helpful.
I saw a nutritionist that summer who took me off wheat, sugar, dairy, caffeine and citrus fruit and that combined with coming off the pills made me loose a serious amount of weight. So munch so that I had to eat a certain amount of potatoes each day to try and regain it. My appetite still swings but is on a much even keel but the main thing is hat the only time I am not switched on is when I have brain fog, I am not zombie like each day. I can appreciate life and my senses are all switched on and working. And most importantly I can hug my parents in thanks for that night and many other times that they stuck by me and fought for me in the various battles that have occurred.
But I have never been able to read The Scarlet Pimpernel since because the memories of that night take over.
It made me very zombie like, I got very bad insomnia, I lost my appetite and became very bloated and gained weight and in the last year year became very depressed. It didn't really work, I was still in pain and I was on the highest dose. In the last year we tried to decrease my dose with varying degrees of success, in the end we couldn't go further than 25mg. We had been told that it wasn't addictive but I would say that it was physically addictive, my body through a tantrum every time we tried to reduce it or come off it. It masked my senses and so coming off it meant that I had to face the full reality of what I actually felt. The doctors were not particularly helpful as they wanted to keep me on it.
Eventually Mummy and I decided that I would come off it no matter what it took and I went cold turkey.
What followed was the worst two and a half weeks in my life. I didn't sleep, I was in incredible pain, I was sweating and feverish and couldn't get out of bed. There was one night where I was in the most pain I have ever been in and I never want to feel that again. It was horrible, my parents tried to get a doctor to come out and give me a painkiller shot as the Co-codamol and other painkillers I was on were not making the remote bit of difference.
He refused when he found out I had ME, so to help me my parents stayed up through the night and read in shifts The Scarlet Pimpernel to me. They got me through that night, changing my sheets, getting the pills, constantly refilling the hot water bottle and just being there with me. Whenever I doubt that my parents love me I remember that night and it completely banishes that thought. It was the worst night in my life but also the most memorable due to my parents actions.
That night also cemented my wariness of doctors from that point onwards as well. We stuck it out though I think if it had lasted much longer I think my mother might have relented but it worked and there was a huge improvement. It had though destroyed my sleep patterns and it took us two years to sort those out and I still have to be quite rigid about them. I became quite depressed in the years after as well, but after an increasing amount of suicidal thoughts I went on St. John's Wart which was very helpful.
I saw a nutritionist that summer who took me off wheat, sugar, dairy, caffeine and citrus fruit and that combined with coming off the pills made me loose a serious amount of weight. So munch so that I had to eat a certain amount of potatoes each day to try and regain it. My appetite still swings but is on a much even keel but the main thing is hat the only time I am not switched on is when I have brain fog, I am not zombie like each day. I can appreciate life and my senses are all switched on and working. And most importantly I can hug my parents in thanks for that night and many other times that they stuck by me and fought for me in the various battles that have occurred.
But I have never been able to read The Scarlet Pimpernel since because the memories of that night take over.
Monday, 22 November 2010
A very helpful answer
A couple of weeks ago I had a crisis of confidence, I wondered just what the hell I was doing. I sent someone a message
'I was having a bit of think last night and got really rather confused. Especially after having read some posts on here and just generally. I was wondering if I had got ahead of myself here - trying to run when I haven't walked yet. I mean I am a virgin so how on earth can I say I am into kinky stuff when I don't even know the vanilla. Some women have rape fantasies, it is something that turns them on but when it comes down to it and they act it out they don't like it. Maybe when it come down to it I am not actually kinky in which case I'm a fraud being on here and at the Munch's. I mean I haven't even ever kissed anyone and yet I have stood up and said that I am interested in the kinkier side of things. How do I really know, if I haven't had sex how can I really claim that I want to try rough sex when in reality I have no idea what occurs emotionally etc just in nilla sex.
The poor guy! lol But I had been thinking and driven myself into confusion by over thinking and getting totally mixed up. He sent back a very good reply which I won't post here as I don't have his permission but basically he told me that it was more the fact that I was interested in kinky sexuality not the amount of experience I had. That Munch's were the meeting of like minded people not the meeting of people who do the same stuff.
It was extremely helpful along with the other point he came up with and although I felt a little embarrassed having panicked like that I was also at the same time almost glad that I had actually come out and asked someone about it. I do have a point, at a time when I am not in a position to have a relationship of any sorts and not particularly inclined to have one either meeting people all with sex as a common interest might seem a bit odd. But then I realised that for me the Munch's are not a pick up joint, they are to meet and hopefully make friends with other open minded people and also hopefully learn more. So far this has worked and when I am there I don't feel a fraud and I hope I never will.
'I was having a bit of think last night and got really rather confused. Especially after having read some posts on here and just generally. I was wondering if I had got ahead of myself here - trying to run when I haven't walked yet. I mean I am a virgin so how on earth can I say I am into kinky stuff when I don't even know the vanilla. Some women have rape fantasies, it is something that turns them on but when it comes down to it and they act it out they don't like it. Maybe when it come down to it I am not actually kinky in which case I'm a fraud being on here and at the Munch's. I mean I haven't even ever kissed anyone and yet I have stood up and said that I am interested in the kinkier side of things. How do I really know, if I haven't had sex how can I really claim that I want to try rough sex when in reality I have no idea what occurs emotionally etc just in nilla sex.
The poor guy! lol But I had been thinking and driven myself into confusion by over thinking and getting totally mixed up. He sent back a very good reply which I won't post here as I don't have his permission but basically he told me that it was more the fact that I was interested in kinky sexuality not the amount of experience I had. That Munch's were the meeting of like minded people not the meeting of people who do the same stuff.
It was extremely helpful along with the other point he came up with and although I felt a little embarrassed having panicked like that I was also at the same time almost glad that I had actually come out and asked someone about it. I do have a point, at a time when I am not in a position to have a relationship of any sorts and not particularly inclined to have one either meeting people all with sex as a common interest might seem a bit odd. But then I realised that for me the Munch's are not a pick up joint, they are to meet and hopefully make friends with other open minded people and also hopefully learn more. So far this has worked and when I am there I don't feel a fraud and I hope I never will.
Saturday, 20 November 2010
My dog and the memories she brings
I was thinking quite how much my dog means to me. It has just been her ninth birthday and I got her just after Christmas when I was ten. I was on six weeks bed rest and she spent the remainder of those weeks in bed right there with me. She used to curl up just by my head and we would go to sleep together and try and while away the day one way or another. At 3.30 we would move to my parents bed so I could watch Art Attack, Blue Peter, Newsround etc. It was the highlight of my day.
Most of the time I read though I played with my toys as best I could restricted to laying in bed. My sleep patterns got shot to pieces and I used to lie awake just waiting until the morning came and Mummy let my dog up.
When I then went into hospital for intensive physio to repair the damage that the doctor had done by prescribing this bed rest she was still so small and Daddy used to smuggle her in to say hello. I missed her a lot. My parents were brilliant, in the four weeks I was in hospital I only spent one night alone, they took it in turns to stay in the bed next to me (which had a jelly bean under it the entire time we were there!).
I am not quite sure how they managed it as my younger sister was a day girl and not very old herself. It was an odd time, I was in the teenage ward as the beds in the children's ward were too small and it was too noisy at night, it was completely empty except me. The hospital was far away from home and so it was difficult for both of them, I doubt they saw each other much that entire time. Daddy spent most of the time at home and my dog has a deeper bond with him than anyone else in the family except me.
It is now ten years that I have had ME, this year has sucked eggs (as the expression goes) and has had some really fun and amazing times too. I got to go to France to see the WW1 battlefields, a dream since I was six, I went with a different family and for four days I had the time of my life and I didn't have a relapse. I have managed to get to all bar one munch so far and I am now doing some Reeling (Scottish Dancing!). I have done something 'fun' every week for the last couple of weeks and it has been increasing.
I might have moaned and admittedly still do about this new treatment, I still hate it but I love what it has done for me. A few weeks ago I had more energy than I knew what to do with, I hadn't had that much for so long I had forgotten how to handle it. I slightly over did it but touch wood I am still okay. Christmas approaches with its own difficulties, both my sisters will be home and that is never an easy time with the family but it will be Christmas which tends to make it better.
If (and please God let it happen) I manage to get to Christmas without having a dip or getting a cold, it will have been my first Christmas since I first got ME that I will have got to at the same level as I felt at the end of the summer. It is so extraordinary to think this when life looked decidedly bleak at the beginning of the year.
I still have repercussions from that, I have to wear glasses more and sunglasses whenever it is bright, I can't really listen to the radio for that long, I feel car sick even when driving and I get really bad headaches most days but they are all things easily taken in stride when i think of what I am doing and how I am living at the moment. I had some problems with some new pills last week and it really brought it home how I was actually feeling now, to feel suddenly so sick and weak was sort of life affirming as it only lasted a couple of days and within three days i was at another munch!
My dog instead of sleeping next to me most of the day is begging me not to wash her after we go for long and very muddy walks. She snuggles up to me while we watch television downstairs and I can look forward to driving her somewhere exciting for a walk pretty soon as I am learning to drive and up to an hour and a half at a time now.
So yeah at a time when I normally get a bit depressed as yet another year has passed and I still have ME, I am happy and content, I have come to terms with what I have (at the moment anyway!) and the life I lead now (long may it last) is fulfilling and I am even straining to do more. I admit to having an aversion to making long term plans now but next week for me is a good week with lots of things to do and people to see and after that we shall see, I'll take it as it comes.
Most of the time I read though I played with my toys as best I could restricted to laying in bed. My sleep patterns got shot to pieces and I used to lie awake just waiting until the morning came and Mummy let my dog up.
When I then went into hospital for intensive physio to repair the damage that the doctor had done by prescribing this bed rest she was still so small and Daddy used to smuggle her in to say hello. I missed her a lot. My parents were brilliant, in the four weeks I was in hospital I only spent one night alone, they took it in turns to stay in the bed next to me (which had a jelly bean under it the entire time we were there!).
I am not quite sure how they managed it as my younger sister was a day girl and not very old herself. It was an odd time, I was in the teenage ward as the beds in the children's ward were too small and it was too noisy at night, it was completely empty except me. The hospital was far away from home and so it was difficult for both of them, I doubt they saw each other much that entire time. Daddy spent most of the time at home and my dog has a deeper bond with him than anyone else in the family except me.
It is now ten years that I have had ME, this year has sucked eggs (as the expression goes) and has had some really fun and amazing times too. I got to go to France to see the WW1 battlefields, a dream since I was six, I went with a different family and for four days I had the time of my life and I didn't have a relapse. I have managed to get to all bar one munch so far and I am now doing some Reeling (Scottish Dancing!). I have done something 'fun' every week for the last couple of weeks and it has been increasing.
I might have moaned and admittedly still do about this new treatment, I still hate it but I love what it has done for me. A few weeks ago I had more energy than I knew what to do with, I hadn't had that much for so long I had forgotten how to handle it. I slightly over did it but touch wood I am still okay. Christmas approaches with its own difficulties, both my sisters will be home and that is never an easy time with the family but it will be Christmas which tends to make it better.
If (and please God let it happen) I manage to get to Christmas without having a dip or getting a cold, it will have been my first Christmas since I first got ME that I will have got to at the same level as I felt at the end of the summer. It is so extraordinary to think this when life looked decidedly bleak at the beginning of the year.
I still have repercussions from that, I have to wear glasses more and sunglasses whenever it is bright, I can't really listen to the radio for that long, I feel car sick even when driving and I get really bad headaches most days but they are all things easily taken in stride when i think of what I am doing and how I am living at the moment. I had some problems with some new pills last week and it really brought it home how I was actually feeling now, to feel suddenly so sick and weak was sort of life affirming as it only lasted a couple of days and within three days i was at another munch!
My dog instead of sleeping next to me most of the day is begging me not to wash her after we go for long and very muddy walks. She snuggles up to me while we watch television downstairs and I can look forward to driving her somewhere exciting for a walk pretty soon as I am learning to drive and up to an hour and a half at a time now.
So yeah at a time when I normally get a bit depressed as yet another year has passed and I still have ME, I am happy and content, I have come to terms with what I have (at the moment anyway!) and the life I lead now (long may it last) is fulfilling and I am even straining to do more. I admit to having an aversion to making long term plans now but next week for me is a good week with lots of things to do and people to see and after that we shall see, I'll take it as it comes.
Tuesday, 14 September 2010
Floating calm
I had an appointment again yesterday and although I didn't like the actual thing, I really tried to be jolly and happy with the guy, though it is a bit difficult. However today I feel pretty good, I got up, a bit later than normal I admit but you can't have everything! I also managed to go bicycling! Not that far but beyond the drive and out onto the road. It was such a thrill do be able to do it when I was really expecting to be in bed all day today.
I haven't done much, I have been doing a latch-hook rug which is really relaxing, in front of several episodes of Law & Order SVU and UK. I had a stack to watch since I recorded them when I went away. Tonight I am hopefully going out for an early supper with my parents and older sister so off to have a rest after this. But I feel all spaced out and just really calm, I was on such a high after Saturday. I don't get to do something like that very often (go out I mean, not attend a munch!) and I was get so excited just remembering it and the fact I had fun. I tend to have to live off those memories for months sometimes so I try and get as much out of them as possible.
Anyway so I was on high from Saturday all Sunday and then Monday I was nervous about the treament and then rather emotional and tired afterwards. Today just everything seems to waft over me, all sort of happy floating. Very nice feeling, I am compus mentus, not totaly functing on top form mentally and physically but up and about. As I said floating! lol I sound like I am on drugs - I promise I'm not!
I haven't done much, I have been doing a latch-hook rug which is really relaxing, in front of several episodes of Law & Order SVU and UK. I had a stack to watch since I recorded them when I went away. Tonight I am hopefully going out for an early supper with my parents and older sister so off to have a rest after this. But I feel all spaced out and just really calm, I was on such a high after Saturday. I don't get to do something like that very often (go out I mean, not attend a munch!) and I was get so excited just remembering it and the fact I had fun. I tend to have to live off those memories for months sometimes so I try and get as much out of them as possible.
Anyway so I was on high from Saturday all Sunday and then Monday I was nervous about the treament and then rather emotional and tired afterwards. Today just everything seems to waft over me, all sort of happy floating. Very nice feeling, I am compus mentus, not totaly functing on top form mentally and physically but up and about. As I said floating! lol I sound like I am on drugs - I promise I'm not!
Saturday, 11 September 2010
My First Munch
Yesterday I went to my first Munch. I had heard about it on Fetlife as one of my friends there was organising it. It was an Under35's event in Oxford and although I looked at it I originally didn't even think about going. It was in Oxford and I was going to Oxford shopping once and I didn't think I could cope with twice let alone be allowed to.
Anyway after I got back from a successful afternoons shopping in which I had met up with a few friends from college, I suddenly heard myself telling Mummy that there was an opportunity to meet up with some people on Saturday and was it possible!! Even more unexpected was the fact she said yes! Having arranged plans to get me too and from the bus stop even though everyone seemed to be out or away I then realised actually what I had done.
I had agreed to go to a Munch.
I went back and properly read about it but didn't put whether I was going or not as I though it might jinx it! Anyway I ended up going, and it was really good fun. Although it was nerve wracking and as I didn't have my glasses on I had a bit of difficulty making out the troll that was proclaiming to one and all that these were the people that I was here to meet.
Immediately the problem of how to go over there, did I sidle over and enquire as to whether this was the Munch or did I walk straight on over and introduce myself? Having got a drink I did the latter, extremely brave of me and I was quaking on the inside, it was a bit awkward but maybe that was just me. After that though it was brilliant.
It was so good to actually meet some kinky people. They are normal! (I don't mean that in a bad way) I don't quite know why that surprised me but I also found I was relieved that actually people did do this stuff, it is all very well reading about it but you sometimes do slightly wonder whether it really does actually happen. And yet here were people talking about parties, clubs, Munch's etc. It was fascinating.
I actually met people who were kinky! Ok, I apologise for repeating myself, I still haven't quite got over it yet. Mind you I think I have met someone who is before as in my local tack shop there was a really nice pair of leather handcuffs - too big for me (I tried!), so someone must buy them or at least the person who makes them who I know might be into something.
I stayed for over three hours, I had only planned to stay for maximum two and had an escape plan if it was boring, or just plain scary, or just not my thing. But it went whizzing past, in the end though I did have a bus to catch and I was getting tired but I really hope that I can make it to the next one.
It was a really fascinating and great experience and one I would like to repeat. Good to hear other peoples stories, experiences and opinions and I can't quite believe that I had real conversation about porn in a pub at five o'clock in the afternoon (Don't quite know why time should matter but it was quite odd (a nice odd!) now I think back on it). It was good to do something physical about my interests in kink, it made it more real and this I think was a good thing.
So, my first Munch! Such fun and to be repeated hopefully!
Anyway after I got back from a successful afternoons shopping in which I had met up with a few friends from college, I suddenly heard myself telling Mummy that there was an opportunity to meet up with some people on Saturday and was it possible!! Even more unexpected was the fact she said yes! Having arranged plans to get me too and from the bus stop even though everyone seemed to be out or away I then realised actually what I had done.
I had agreed to go to a Munch.
I went back and properly read about it but didn't put whether I was going or not as I though it might jinx it! Anyway I ended up going, and it was really good fun. Although it was nerve wracking and as I didn't have my glasses on I had a bit of difficulty making out the troll that was proclaiming to one and all that these were the people that I was here to meet.
Immediately the problem of how to go over there, did I sidle over and enquire as to whether this was the Munch or did I walk straight on over and introduce myself? Having got a drink I did the latter, extremely brave of me and I was quaking on the inside, it was a bit awkward but maybe that was just me. After that though it was brilliant.
It was so good to actually meet some kinky people. They are normal! (I don't mean that in a bad way) I don't quite know why that surprised me but I also found I was relieved that actually people did do this stuff, it is all very well reading about it but you sometimes do slightly wonder whether it really does actually happen. And yet here were people talking about parties, clubs, Munch's etc. It was fascinating.
I actually met people who were kinky! Ok, I apologise for repeating myself, I still haven't quite got over it yet. Mind you I think I have met someone who is before as in my local tack shop there was a really nice pair of leather handcuffs - too big for me (I tried!), so someone must buy them or at least the person who makes them who I know might be into something.
I stayed for over three hours, I had only planned to stay for maximum two and had an escape plan if it was boring, or just plain scary, or just not my thing. But it went whizzing past, in the end though I did have a bus to catch and I was getting tired but I really hope that I can make it to the next one.
It was a really fascinating and great experience and one I would like to repeat. Good to hear other peoples stories, experiences and opinions and I can't quite believe that I had real conversation about porn in a pub at five o'clock in the afternoon (Don't quite know why time should matter but it was quite odd (a nice odd!) now I think back on it). It was good to do something physical about my interests in kink, it made it more real and this I think was a good thing.
So, my first Munch! Such fun and to be repeated hopefully!
An interesting two months
Two whole months have gone past since I made my last post. The Perrin Technique must be doing something because it wiped out July and August for me. I have done absolutly nothing until the last two weeks. I have felt completly out of it and not really connected to anything, in fact I can't quite believe so much time has gone by.
The appointments have not got easier, I still don't like them and they do make me really quite emotional afterwards but I can cope with them. I have had only a few as he was away and then I was just recently but most of the time I have been in bed or been watching television. In fact I have got quite sick of it and was bored silly.
It didn't help that I had a complete hissy fit when Mummy decided I had been ill for quite long enough and decided the only way I was going to get better, for some reason, was to drag me out of bed physically. She does this everytime I am ill for a certain number of weeks and it has nver worked and just make both of us extremly upset. This time I refused to take any pills and only took them once she promised not to do it again, I said that if she did I would stop all treatment. At the time it was perfectly logical - she is the one who want me to do this Technique and take the pills but of course now I see it is cutting off my nose to spite my face. Although I don't like it, it should help and that is the main thing.
Anyway that blow up caused a bit of egg shell walking for a bit as we both said things we shouldn't have but we recovered, and have four weeks later started saying 'I love you' to each other again. For some reason it is always the last thing to come back.
After that Perrin guy went easy on me for two sessions and I started to feel better, this was so I could manage to go to France. I did manage and flew most of the week. I felt really well, I swam twice everyday, we went to a market everyday and played ping pong and cards until quite late at night. I also had a rest every day but I didn't sleep well due to a creaky radiator and a different mattress but that didn't seem to affect me. This week has been amazing.
Since we have got back I have got up early and bycicled, then run and walked up and down my drive with our hound puppy before breakfast. I have also managed to go into Oxford twice, get to the library, sort out a projection for an auction, tidy my shed and room and drive, once a lesson and the rest with Mummy. This has been the best week this year.
Unfortunately I do have to go on Monday and have an appointment, but it will be interesting see my reaction to it, hopefully I will recover after half a week so I get a few days.
The only thing is I don't know whether the reaction is because of the treatment or the fact that he went easy for two weeks then I had two weeks off plus a holiday which always helps!
The appointments have not got easier, I still don't like them and they do make me really quite emotional afterwards but I can cope with them. I have had only a few as he was away and then I was just recently but most of the time I have been in bed or been watching television. In fact I have got quite sick of it and was bored silly.
It didn't help that I had a complete hissy fit when Mummy decided I had been ill for quite long enough and decided the only way I was going to get better, for some reason, was to drag me out of bed physically. She does this everytime I am ill for a certain number of weeks and it has nver worked and just make both of us extremly upset. This time I refused to take any pills and only took them once she promised not to do it again, I said that if she did I would stop all treatment. At the time it was perfectly logical - she is the one who want me to do this Technique and take the pills but of course now I see it is cutting off my nose to spite my face. Although I don't like it, it should help and that is the main thing.
Anyway that blow up caused a bit of egg shell walking for a bit as we both said things we shouldn't have but we recovered, and have four weeks later started saying 'I love you' to each other again. For some reason it is always the last thing to come back.
After that Perrin guy went easy on me for two sessions and I started to feel better, this was so I could manage to go to France. I did manage and flew most of the week. I felt really well, I swam twice everyday, we went to a market everyday and played ping pong and cards until quite late at night. I also had a rest every day but I didn't sleep well due to a creaky radiator and a different mattress but that didn't seem to affect me. This week has been amazing.
Since we have got back I have got up early and bycicled, then run and walked up and down my drive with our hound puppy before breakfast. I have also managed to go into Oxford twice, get to the library, sort out a projection for an auction, tidy my shed and room and drive, once a lesson and the rest with Mummy. This has been the best week this year.
Unfortunately I do have to go on Monday and have an appointment, but it will be interesting see my reaction to it, hopefully I will recover after half a week so I get a few days.
The only thing is I don't know whether the reaction is because of the treatment or the fact that he went easy for two weeks then I had two weeks off plus a holiday which always helps!
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